She’s made all the mistakes, so you don’t have to…Ask Erin! is a weekly advice column, in which Erin answers your burning questions, about anything at all…
Q.
OK, so this is an odd situation. My best friend is married and her and her husband are moving into a new house. Now here’s the thing: My best friend wants me to move in with them, and so does her husband, to help with expenses and because they know I want to get out of my living situation. (I have been living with my mom after breaking up with my boyfriend of 8 years and I really want to move.)
However, they fight a lot. I thought it would be cool at first, not thinking about the fighting 24-7, but I am worried about being put in a weird position like picking sides if they fight.
Also, he kind of freaks me out. See, he’s really nice, but he is always making jokes and telling me how rad I am in front of my friend. I can see it pisses her off, even though she doesn’t say anything because he will put her down, and then compliment me. And I am not sure how much she notices, but he flirts with me a lot. I would never do anything because I love my BFF, but I am sort of attracted to him, even though he can be a dick to her. It feels a little risky. What do you think I should do?
A.
This is a bit risky. I have a very simple answer for you, DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THEM. Honey, there are so many red flags here.
First of all, moving in with a couple can be inherently problematic. I lived with a couple at one time and it was great…until they broke up and coming home to our apartment, AKA The Tower of Tension, sucked! It was so uncomfortable, because suddenly someone else’s breakup was smack dab in the middle of my daily life.
Your friend and her husband do not sound like the most stable couple. Why on earth would you want to put yourself in the middle of The Bickersons? Stay at Mom’s until you find a healthier living situation, alone or with roommates that are not romantically entwined.
Lastly, it’s concerning that you are attracted to a man that, from your own description, doesn’t treat your friend all that well. Oh, and he’s married, to your best friend! I get it; I had all sorts of unhealthy attractions before I worked on my issues, in therapy and on my own. You know what happened when I got things right with myself? I stopped being attracted to unhealthy men and unhealthy situations. To me, that’s the bigger issue here.
In short, do not move in with them, get some therapy, and definitely do not act on an unhealthy attraction. And for your friend’s sake, I hope they are able to either fix their marriage or get out before they spend any more time making each other miserable.
If you have a question for me about friendships, flirting, relationships, breakups, equestrian competitions, '90s trivia, or anything at all, email me at rarelywrongerin@gmail.com. As always, your anonymity is golden. xoxo
